10.5 Inches of Fun...

Wait A Minute!!!
I know what you're thinking - this is alluding to something sexual. I'm sorry to disappoint you, but it's not. (laugh) It's referring to a tape that I'm listening to now, a reel that was recorded sometime about 1986. It's one of those big monsters, rolling at a slow speed (3.75 inches per second) which makes for 3 hours per side of non-stop music. It was a great party tape. Anyway...I know I'm obssessed with vintage stuff - living in the past. When people tell me that I'm too young for that, I let out a little chuckle, and walk away.

Previous Rant
I promised to go into detail of my stance toward authority figures. Here goes. I know that we need some order and rules within our lives, because human nature is to go too far in one way or another. We need some set rules or boundaries to keep us under control. As children, we needed this in order for us to grow and assume responsibility within our lives - I won't argue there. What really bugs me is the continual micro-chasm of laws, ordinances and the like. They refine and specify even moreso all the time.

Light Pollution!
Did you know that there is a such thing as LIGHT POLLUTION? This organization was started to advocate laws regarding this "crime!" One of the towns in my area has actually passed an ordiance regarding this unspeakable sin. If you have one of these night lights outside your door with an infra-red sensor, you'd better turn it off, or face the risk of a fine. I mean, a noise ordinance is bad enough (my band almost got fined at one of the jam nights,) but COME ON! What's next? A dirty looks ordinance? God help me, but if this world gets too "careful," like a Utopian society, I'm definitely going to be one of the bad guys. I'd be like Wesley Snipes in "Demolion Man," racking up demerits. I guess that I'm a terrorist now, eh? Take me to the prison camps and torure me merciilessly.

Don't Ask...It's Illegal!
Seriously, if they keep passing all these damn laws, that's what it's going to come to. Who are they to decide what's best for ME? Correct me if I'm wrong, but aren't we supposed to have freedom and rights in this country? Once again, it's all about balancing that scale I referred to a few months ago. Did you know that in some parts of New York that it's actually illegal to spit anywhere on the streets or sidewalks? Yes, they actually enforce it! It's funny - if you do some research, you will find that there are indeed some stupid laws on the books. However, many of them aren't enforced anymore, due to the absurdity of them. Still, every day, someone whines about something (actually an interest group lobbies for it,) and a really pathetic law gets passed eventually - I HATE THAT! (in an Andy Rooney sort of voice.)

Vulgar Display of Power...
Another thing that really irks me is when authorities go overboard with enforcing laws - the police man who writes you several tickets and has the GALL to tell you to have a nice day. Tell him to fuck off, and he'll haul you in! You know what? If I knew that I was getting hauled in, I'd certainly make it worth my while and kick his ass! Aggravated assault? What? Nope - I'm a mental case, of course pleading temporary insanity. Trust me - it works.

Homeowner's Associations...
Still, some other folks in authoritative positions take it to the extreme. How many of you live where there is a homeowners association? I'm talking about those prim and proper subdivisions, (gated communties even,) where almost everyone is pretty much affluent and very snobby. They whine about things like TV antennas, people working on their cars, and HOW TALL THE GRASS IS! I've heard stories where they actually fine people for that. Sad thing is, they do have some power, because of the contract that you have to sign before moving into that neighborhood. Here are a few examples of what I am talking about. People have had cars towed away, and admonished for oil spots on their driveway. It just makes me SICK!

How I Feel...
The more I read about these types of people, the more I want to make their perfect little lives a complete hell. Don't even THINK about towing away my Hemi Cuda that is sitting by the garage, patiently waiting for paint and a new engine! If you don't like my 150 foot radio tower in my backyard, DON'T LOOK AT THE FUCKING THING! Sure, I"ll mow my grass, but it's not going to be perfect, I can assure you. What's that? You guys don't like the color that I've painted my house? TOO FUCKING BAD - DEAL WITH IT! Don't like my music playing just a little too loud? Turn up your stereo/tv or just close the windows!

Please...
Most of all GET A FUCKING LIFE, OK? It's people like YOU that make this country a hell to live in. You and your gated communities thinking that you're better than everyone else. Before you came along, I used to ride my motorcyle out in those fields, having a blast in my youth! Now you took it away - thanks, you money-grubbing developers and real-estate agents! Now we have 10 or more acres of $300,000+ homes with these "perfect" people living in them - guaranteed to have a Mercedes or a Hummer in the driveway. Gee, I think that I'll crash the gates on my Honda dirtbike and turf some yards - what do you think? I kindly raise my middle finger to you - you Utopian scum-sucking pigs! GET A LIFE!!!!!


Taking A Stand...
I'm not going to apologize for all this. If you happen to be one of those people that I just described, then please, take it to heart and grill me! I'll get the satisfaction of know that I've pissed you off, or even better, that I've OFFENDED you (the ULTIMATE sin in today's politcally correct world.) Granted, I know that not all affluent folks are in this category - as a result I respect you immensely. I think that it's possible to have alot of money and still be down- to-Earth.

Sis...
A good example is my sister - she happens to be a lawyer, and a damn good one at that! She makes quite a bit of money, but doesn't flaunt it, nor is she of that snobby stereotype. She's a good woman, with a good head on her shoulders. Her husband happens to be a full-on hillbilly, has a full set of tools in the garage, and does alot of mechanical work. Once again, I respect him as well. Damn, I wish that he'd let me drive that Ram with the Hemi in it! Oh well...
I just won't let him drive mine. ;) Think of Nash Bridges and you'll know what I'm talking about!

Buh-Bye...
As for me, I'm just going to sit here and listen to the rest of Side One of this kick ass tape! I have a really funny story regarding my "dinosaur" later on! Then, I'm going to hop in my ride, kick it sideways pulling out of the driveway (tires blazing,) and blast down the main drag. I need to show those kids in their Mustangs who's boss. Watch my taillights fade to black...


Taillights Fade
by Buffalo Tom

Sister can you hear me now
The ringing in your ears
I'm down on the ground
My luck's been dry for years

I'm lost in the dark
And I feel like a dinosaur
Broken face and broken hands
I'm a broken man

I've hit the wall
I'm about to fall
But I'm closing in on it
I feel so weak
On a losing streak
Watch my taillights fade to black

I read a thing about this girl
She was a hermit in her world
Her story was much like mine
She could be my valentine

And although we've never met
I won't forget her yet
She cut herself off from her past
Now she's alone at last

I feel so sick
Lost love's last licks
But I'm closing down on it
I feel so weak
On a losing streak
Watch my taillights fade to black

Lost my life in cheap wine
Now it's quiet time
Cappy Dick nor Jesus Christ
Could not help my fate

But I'm underneath a gun
I'm singing about my past
Had myself a wonderful thing
But I could not make it last

I've hit the wall
I'm about to fall
But I'm closing in on it
I feel so small
Underneath it all
Watch my taillights fade to black
..Watch my taillights fade
..Watch my taillights fade
..Watch my taillights fade