Sunday, July 31, 2005

Letting Go...

Catching Up...(Gasp...)
Well, here we go - getting caught up again. I am still without a PC. I swapped power supplies, and got the same result. I'm pretty sure the hard drive crashed - Oh well. I guess that I've pretty much decided to cut off any possibility to resurrect it from the dead, basically using it for parts - for anyone else.

Progress...
Honestly, my life has improved TENFOLD without a computer. Now I don't have a "safe place" where I can hide. I've gotten to that point where I want to function as a normal human being again. It seems that most of my frustration (and depression) stems from my former addiction to using a computer on a daily basis, for hours on end! Not to say that life doesn't have its own challenges, but I seem to be able to deal with them much better now I am making tremendous progress. One of my secrets? Just LET GO!

Putting The Brakes On...
I just got fed up and said to myself, "you know what? I'm not going to live my life like it's 900 miles an hour anymore. Just because the world is moving that fast doesn't mean that I have to. Let everyone else go nowhere fast - I'll just cruise along at my own pace." Compare this to life as a really fast sports car, and I'm driving an old Model A Ford. It's true that I won't get there faster, but you can be sure of one thing - I'll see things that anyone else travelling at hyper-speed won't see. The old saying, "stop and smell the roses," holds true. Don't live your life in the fast lane - you'll overheat and eventually shut down.

A Work In Progress...
Of course, when you change your mindset, life instantly tries to test you. To many people this is a setback, or at the least, very frustrating. No one should just give up after that. You CAN'T! Giving up is the worst thing that you can do! I know that I'm a hypocrite of sorts, because I'm turning my back on technology (almost,) but I have lots of issues with it that I need to confront. I associate way too much pain with it, and I have to learn to change that. This is why I consider myself a "work in progress." I'm like that car you see once in a while - it looks pretty rough on the outside, but open the door, the interior is beautiful. Open the hood, and the engine is a masterpiece. Eventually, little by little, the body gets better and better, until one day - Voila!

Thank you!
To everyone who reads and comments on my blog - Thank you! It took a long, long time to get to this mindset, and I'm truly grateful to be this way. Nothing is "life and death" for me anymore. The things that I previously took so seriously I can just let go of. I still have social issues that I am challenged by, but I will overcome them as well. Working consistently with my therapy group, and going out once in a while by myself seems to help quite a bit. I'm beginning to enjoy life for a change, and not letting my emotions dictate my lifestyle. Oh, there are times when it's hard to get out of bed, but I don't feel down or depressed - I'm just really, really tired.

Summary...
I know that life is going to throw me a few more curves before things truly open up for me, but that's OK. I'm ready for those challenges to come my way. Instead of reacting to a problem, I'm going to look for the solution instead. Worrying about things never fixed them, did they? I'm not saying that I'm 100% optimistic all the time, but I do try my best to be whenever possible. When I mess up, I don't beat myself up. I just say, "try again."

Newsflash!...This Just In...
I had two job interviews, and they were great learning experiences. I didn't get hired, but I looked at them not as failures, but as chances to learn and grow. One of them was for a $40,000+/year salary! I was more sociable and outgoing than I've ever been in interviews! I can't wait until I get another one. I am sure that I'll knock the socks off of the interviewer! I've never felt so confident in my life! I found the key to acheiving confidence in my life, and it will be my creed for as long as I shall live: LET GO!!!!

5 comments:

Tabor said...

GREEAAT BLOG! Even if 'we' don't hear from you as often, we will know that you are (like the rest of us) working on getting your life together. Check out my blog on " Public Service for the blog depression" when you get a chance.

ariadneK, Ph.D. said...

GOOD FOR YOU!!!!!!!!!! :-)

Radin said...

It gives me extra energy to see you like this. I tell myself "Yes it IS possible". Good luck and keep us informed.

Tabor said...

I forget to comment that it is quite a step to get to the level of the job interviews, even if you don't get the job. I have quite a few friends trying so hard to get good employment. Keep your shining personality on.

Radin said...

Dear Danny, I would love to hear more of you.