Saturday, November 19, 2005


I'm Back!
Well, I'm back again, and I will post much more frequently. I miss posting so much - I've been so busy with this moving and settling in that I haven't had time to get caught up. I am now pleased to say that I am 3/4 of the way there. I still have a ton of records, tapes, and maybe one piece of furniture that needs to be picked up. Tonight I will do that, and this will finish off the moving process for a long, long time. My dad is going to help me design and build a new shelf for my albums and other things. I think that I'm going to need a bookshelf as well. The shelves in the closet are not strong enough to hold several books!

Blogging By Candlelight...
Yep, I have 2 candles burning right now - one in the living area, and one in my bedroom. I love the glow and the aroma that they emit! I did my cleaning today - Saturday seems to be my day to do it, and I love the smell of a clean kitchen (thanks to Pine-Sol,) and bathroom. After having to live in filth and squalor on more than one occasion, I can't stand to leave anything messy. Even the dishes get done very quickly - I guess that I'm every wife's dream, eh? Yes, I do have alot of time on my hands to do the cleaning, but I would still make time to do it. It's amazing how life's experiences can cause you to do a complete 180-degree shift in your thinking. I never used to care about any of that stuff, but now I'm very conscious of how things look and smell now. The very thought of someone smoking in here repulses me! That nasty yucky film.....EWWWWW!

As I said previously, I'm going to finish getting everything else and get it situated. The night is young, and we will see what it holds. Thanks for checking in, and I'll take time a little later to check in on all of you. I have much more to say, but I'll save it for later.


Wednesday, November 09, 2005

Found A Home!

Good News!
Yep, I found a home. I have a nice cozy 1 bedroom apartment not too far from where I was staying recently. I must have looked at about a dozen or so units until I found this one - it had my name on it. Talk about a stroke of luck - it even has a brand new stove! It's in an older building, but it has all the finer accoutrements that I need. I love the fact that it has radiated heat (yes, the old-fashioned style with those big radiators.) Sure, the radiators do take up a little space, but the air will have humidity, and not be dry like a forced air furnace. The high ceilings give the impression of massive space, and the doors are of the old-fashioned and tall (over 8 ft) variety. Everyone I have shown it to agrees that it's very nice, and the rent was just right!

Family Lends A Hand...
As soon as I told my sister that I was looking for a place to stay, she gladly offered to help me look, as did my father and stepmother. Pretty soon, I had lots of places to check out. When I found THE place, my sister and my father were glad to help me move everything out (even though they complained that I have too much stuff, and I do!) After I moved in to my current residence, my sister again extended her kindness and generosity. She knew that I was in need of some kitchen and bathroom items, and bought me some of those as well. She even asked me if what she picked out was okay with me - I had no issues with her choices. She has a keen eye for picking out color-coordinated stuff, and I trust her judgement. Dark blue seems to be the theme throughout, due to the white colored walls and fixtures.

I still need to get a phone and internet access - I feel so cut off from the world right now. Sure, I have a TV, but it's not the same, and I can only stand to watch so much before I turn it off. When I get internet access again, I will update much more frequently. Wish me luck!

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

Time Out for Feedback...

Here's where I get caught up for the week. I hope that I can post more, but we'll see.

Thanks to everyone for your extremely kind comments and feedback. It makes me feel much better as well. As Elvira says, mental illness can make you feel sometimes that the world is against you, and even people that love you have turned against you (even though they haven't.)

Truth be told, when I made a post and no one commented, that's how I felt sometimes. I know that it's such an extreme, but it was reality to me - a self-imposed exile in which I felt that there was nothing I could do. Whenever I thought that I had found a way out, my brain would instantly generate a reason as to why it wouldn't work.

It seems that anxiety and panic are my best friends, yet my worst enemies. This paradoxical relationship has seemed to take over my life and pretty much dictates what I can do. It's true that I'm slowly moving closer to being able to participate in daily life again, but I'm still scared as hell.

The "What-If's" just keep on coming. I just never realized that you could just say "so what!" and move on. With me, it would always stop at the answer of the "what-if," and end with something negative or uninspiring. Maybe it was the way that I was brought up. More on this later.

Broke, thanks for checking in. I appreciate it immensely. With this relocation business going on, I haven't had much time to check out blogs as much as I would like, but I will catch up soon.

Radin, thank you for your kinds words. I am glad that I can bring up topics that resonate with others. I guess with this blog, I am attempting to do two things: 1)to say what is on my mind, like a journal, and 2)to reach out to others, giving them some information or insight into our lives. Just knowing that people read what I write is comforting and inspiring as well. What I would really like to do is to ask the opinions of my readers and understand their point of view.

Nikky, thanks for sharing your adventure. As I said, I wouldn't know what to do if I was in your shoes. That is a pretty sticky situation, to be sure. I know that I would feel alot of hurt and anger - perphaps even betrayed. Love and life can be wicked things sometimes.

Tabor, yeah I know what you mean. Sometimes I'm not so fortunate as to what songs sticks in my head. Having worked in radio for a while, advertising jingles would get stuck there as well. To make matters worse, I also collect radio ID jingles (they say the name of the radio station) and you could only imagine when a silly 5-second piece of music would enter my head! I have a virtual "cart machine" in my head that fires them off at will in the most unsuspecting moments.

Okay - I have much to do today, so I do have to be on my way. Thanks again to everyone, and I will be posting very soon.

FYI - A cart machine is a device that plays pre-recorded tape cartridges in a radio station. They are very similar to 8-tracks in that they never end.