Tuesday, November 01, 2005

Time Out for Feedback...

Here's where I get caught up for the week. I hope that I can post more, but we'll see.

Thanks to everyone for your extremely kind comments and feedback. It makes me feel much better as well. As Elvira says, mental illness can make you feel sometimes that the world is against you, and even people that love you have turned against you (even though they haven't.)

Truth be told, when I made a post and no one commented, that's how I felt sometimes. I know that it's such an extreme, but it was reality to me - a self-imposed exile in which I felt that there was nothing I could do. Whenever I thought that I had found a way out, my brain would instantly generate a reason as to why it wouldn't work.

It seems that anxiety and panic are my best friends, yet my worst enemies. This paradoxical relationship has seemed to take over my life and pretty much dictates what I can do. It's true that I'm slowly moving closer to being able to participate in daily life again, but I'm still scared as hell.

The "What-If's" just keep on coming. I just never realized that you could just say "so what!" and move on. With me, it would always stop at the answer of the "what-if," and end with something negative or uninspiring. Maybe it was the way that I was brought up. More on this later.

Broke, thanks for checking in. I appreciate it immensely. With this relocation business going on, I haven't had much time to check out blogs as much as I would like, but I will catch up soon.

Radin, thank you for your kinds words. I am glad that I can bring up topics that resonate with others. I guess with this blog, I am attempting to do two things: 1)to say what is on my mind, like a journal, and 2)to reach out to others, giving them some information or insight into our lives. Just knowing that people read what I write is comforting and inspiring as well. What I would really like to do is to ask the opinions of my readers and understand their point of view.

Nikky, thanks for sharing your adventure. As I said, I wouldn't know what to do if I was in your shoes. That is a pretty sticky situation, to be sure. I know that I would feel alot of hurt and anger - perphaps even betrayed. Love and life can be wicked things sometimes.

Tabor, yeah I know what you mean. Sometimes I'm not so fortunate as to what songs sticks in my head. Having worked in radio for a while, advertising jingles would get stuck there as well. To make matters worse, I also collect radio ID jingles (they say the name of the radio station) and you could only imagine when a silly 5-second piece of music would enter my head! I have a virtual "cart machine" in my head that fires them off at will in the most unsuspecting moments.

Okay - I have much to do today, so I do have to be on my way. Thanks again to everyone, and I will be posting very soon.

FYI - A cart machine is a device that plays pre-recorded tape cartridges in a radio station. They are very similar to 8-tracks in that they never end.


Tabor said...

I read your posts, but don't always comment. I wondered if you would take that personally. I go for days, and no one sends me a comment. I don't care, I write for me. While I love to hear from all my readers, I am the one in charge of my life and my feelings. Keep telling yourself that.

Danny said...


Thanks for that great advice. I guess it just comes with all my years of negative self-talk, remembering things that people have said to me, such as: "nobody cares what you say," or "nobody likes you," etc.

I guess it's just a second-natured habit of mine to think that no one is paying attention if they don't tell me so. You are right - I do this for myself, and I do need to remember that I am indeed the one in charge of my life and my feelings. I also need to tell myself that I'm not that alienated little kid anymore, and life doesn't have to be that way. *sigh*

Tabor said...

Gee, Danny, I'd like to kick whoever said that to you! I am sure they were tired and frustrated at that time as well, but still, that is so devastating to a little soul. I want you to get up from this post and go look at yourself in the mirror and smile at yourself and say, "I'm a pretty cool guy."...because you are!