Tuesday, March 08, 2005

Wow! I wrote something!

Actually I do like to write, but lately I haven't been feeling up to it, and I've been having alot of fun with the AudioBlogger. Sometimes I'd rather say what's on my mind than to write it out- It's more spontaneous.

I guess today I have a bit of a dark cloud over me and I have this song in my head. I always assumed the role of the character in the song.

Moon Over Bourbon Street - by Sting

There’s a moon over bourbon street tonight
I see faces as they pass beneath the pale lamplight
I’ve no choice but to follow that call
The bright lights, the people, and the moon and all
I pray everyday to be strong
For I know what I do must be wrong
Oh you’ll never see my shade or hear the sound of my feet
While there’s a moon over bourbon street

It was many years ago that I became what I am
I was trapped in this life like an innocent lamb
Now I can only show my face at noon
And you’ll only see me walking by the light of the moon
The brim of my hat hides the eye of a beast
I’ve the face of a sinner but the hands of a priest
Oh you’ll never see my shade or hear the sound of my feet
While there’s a moon over bourbon street

She walks everyday through the streets of new orleans
She’s innocent and young from a family of means
I have stood many times outside her window at night
To struggle with my instinct in the pale moon light
How could I be this way when I pray to God above
I must love what I destroy and destroy the thing I love
Oh you’ll never see my shade or hear the sound of my feet
While there’s a moon over bourbon street.

I guess you have to listen to the song to get the full effect. It's very dark and mysterious - somewhat depressing. I tend to dwell on that music. The sadness comforts me. It's really the only life that I know. I don't really know what it's like to experience true happiness or joy. Everything is so complacent to me. When I think that I've found happiness, it ends up being the opposite, or I sabotage it myself. I guess I like being miserable.

No. I don't. I just don't know any other way. Maybe I need to share my life with someone else. That's a big step for me - it always has been. For me it's another set of problems and conflicts that I just don't want to deal with. In the end I become a monster - moody, unpredictable and somewhat violent (although I'd never raise a hand to the person, I'd rather destroy something of my own.) Welcome to my bipolar world.

3 comments:

ariadneK, Ph.D. said...

NICE!!! It's cool to see a written entry...not that I don't get a total kick out of the others (you should have your own little radio talk-blurb). Thanks for the comment you posted today on my blog, and yes I will keep in touch. Let me know what's up if you can (Regarding your mental hell?). AT the moment I'm in the middle of trying to learn the basics of CSS (Cascading Style Sheets...I'm sure you know a lot about them, but I don't!). I want to manipulate what my blog format based on the "standard" one I selected looks like, because I think it's cheesy. ;-)

later homey,
ariK

ariadneK, Ph.D. said...

Hey again dude, I still want to play with the font defaults (and colors too...blech!), but I have a vaguely new appearance online now. :-D

later,
K.

ariadneK, Ph.D. said...

OK homeboy, I am finally through screwing around with my blog's appearance. What do you think of it? I'm pretty much high as a kite from the lexapro adjustment...otherwise I would be on the channel. I need a few days to get settled in. ;-)