Wednesday, September 07, 2005

Early Morning Introspection...

Well, I thought so anyway. It was simple - go to bed around 11:30pm and wake up around 8:30am. That was my plan. As almost always, I wake up anywhere from an hour to 2 hours later, not being able to go back to sleep. Sometimes I wake up anxious or full of panic, other times I'm depressed and can't see straight. I usually pick up a book and start to read...until I get sleepy (whenever that is.) Today's flavor is - Panic?

Time Passages...
3 hours later, I've read chapter 8 in Dale Carnegie's How To Win Friends And Influence People, and devoured three Chapters in Andy Behrman's Electroboy. I had just started reading the former only a day ago, and found myself immersed in it - I can't seem to put it down. The Carnegie book I have been reading about a chapter a day, going back and re-reading the previous one before going on to the next. I underline key phrases that I can use. This is standard procedure in nearly any personal development text that I read. Later on, I can go back and write them in a notebook(s) for quicker future reference.

Can't See Outside...
It's so dark that I can't see outside the little windows of my basement dwelling - of course, it's 4:36am! In about an hour or so, that nasty ball of gas, otherwise known as the sun, will be emerging in the eastern sky. I have an old flannel shirt covering the porthole in my room to keep it from bleeding through and blasting into my eyes. Actually, the sun does not directly come through - it's just the daylight itself. I don't really dislike daylight, but when you don't get enough sleep during the evening, you tend to avoid it if you can. You essentially become a vampire - you feel as if you turn to dust upon exposure to daylight.

I know that I haven't really touched on the subject of New Orleans in any of my posts. I'll admit that I don't keep up with current events too much, because of my tendency to overreact to the news. I truly can't stand to look at a newspaper - I find myself sifting through it, looking for only the things that interest me (namely Feder's column in the Sun-Times) Make no mistake - my heart goes out to those who have perished and suffered in this ordeal. I truly hope that everyone will find their way somehow and see that life can go on.

However, I am not pleased with the authoritarian tactics that law enforcement are using in the situation. If you've read my earlier posts, you know that I have a serious problem with authorities who abuse their power. Some of these people choose not to leave - and I truly believe that it is their choice. If they want to ride it down, then so be it. They shouldn't be told that they have to leave. I mean, come on! What are they going to do? Arrest people for not leaving? That is as absurd as an anti-suicide law! Enough said.

I Care!
Please don't mistake my inner-focused tendencies for lack of interest or concern. I may not keep up with all the events, but please know that I do care about people. I just choose not to get caught up in the emotions that are being evoked en masse at the moment. I was never one to run with the herd - nor will I ever be. Don't expect that to happen - not in this lifetime.

I will admit that sometimes I feel that I am being less than self-effacing, with regard to my posts - it is a form of therapy. To put fingers to keyboard, or to put pen to paper is one of the ways that I combat my illness. It allows me to spread out my situation in a way that I can see it from many sides. It's very similar to an exploding diagram, and a troubleshooting list for the mind. I guess I read too many service manuals when I was growing up - they were a staple of my vast useless knowledge base! Maybe that's another book to add to the list - one full of useless facts that no one cares about...Who Cares? Just a thought.

Time To Get Some ZzZzZz...
Now it's time to go back to bed, tune in Cryosleep, and stop hyperventilating. Maybe my blood sugar will go through the roof (thanks to Apple Jacks and milk,) and I'll crash out until noon or so. I am feeling light-headed, so maybe that will help as well.

Good night/morning to all!


Tabor said...

Now that I am older I find that I get insomnia several nights a week and then, like you, dread forcing myself to get up for work. Have you started some type of aerobics activity...running, basketball,whatever. I think that helps sweat out toxins and excess hormones which prevent solid sleep.

Danny said...


I was on a steady regimen of power walking for a while, but I have not been so rigorous with it,as of late. This tells me that I need to get the ball rolling and start again - no matter how I feel. It's easy to do it when I feel good, and not when I don't feel good. Thanks for your suggestions

elvira black said...

hey Danny:

My sleeping patterns are all screwed up of late. I go to sleep for several hours, wake up, stay up for several hours, go back to sleep exhausted, etc. Sometimes I wake up and don't know if it's am or pm.

Dale Carnegie--a classic. I adore self-help books. They really inspire me.

My b/f needs a "suffer sock" to sleep during the day, esp if he's hung over (it's just a little black sock he covers his eyes with). I can sleep anytime, anywhere--and be out like a light in two seconds. What's really weird is if I'm on the subway and I drift in and out of consciousness. A very bizarre twilight state of strange dream thoughts.

Not to keep bringing up my b/f, but he tends not to watch the news either because it depresses him. I used to shelter myself a lot more and just concentrate on arts and lit and all that timeless transcendent stuff, but in recent years I've started to get much more aware of these things. Part of it is the fascination I've always had with human behavior and society, and though i didn't realize it back then, politics and economics are really social sciences just like psychology and sociology.

It kind of bothers me too that they're forcing people out--too much like police state tactics. Some of these folks seem to be doing ok--some have their homes intact.

Writing is definitely excellent therapy for me too. I think being online and interacting with others and sharing problems and ideas is better than any traditional "therapy" I've had--and much cheaper too!

As far as insomnia--well, you read some great books, thought about some burning issues, and wrote a great post for everyone to read. Like I always say, there's usually something good to be gleaned from a bad situation. I sometimes do my best writing in the wee hours. Looks like the same goes for you!

Tabor said...

Funny aside, I am currently reading "A Pirate Looks at Fifty"!